Here's a story to chill the heart of every right-thinking person. It seems that seagulls near the Sellafield Nuclear Plant have taken to bathing in the ponds which hold plutonium and other nuclear waste from the plant.
The reporter who wrote the story for The Times doesn't seem to have asked Sellafield why they don't just, y'know, cover the ponds. If they want to keep them exposed to the elements then a wire mesh should suffice to keep the seagulls out of the water.
But it's not the fact that those seagulls may be spreading nuclear contamination around the country that worries me. Because I've realised something else.
I've seen enough films to know that exposure to radiation can only go one of two ways. It either turns you into a superhero, or a supervillain.
Not for nothing are they known as Nazi Seagulls From Hell. Now that they are breeding superpowers amongst their flock, it is only a matter of time before they unleash the forces of hell upon the world.
Radioactive Nazi Seagulls From Hell. Be afraid. Be very afraid.