So here it is, the eagerly-awaited* Suitably Despairing Awards for 2009 along with some of my favourite "green numbers" from the year just gone.
(*When I say eagerly awaited, I am, of course, lying)
The Cutting Your Nose Off To Spite Your Face Award goes to the Scottish Government for saying no to the Green Party scheme to insulate every home in the land, just because the Greens refused to back the government budget at the first time of asking. The plan would have created jobs, saved the populace money and lowered the country's CO2 emissions, all in one stroke.
155,000
- Number of passengers predicted to use the new Alloa rail link when it opened a year ago.
- Number of passengers predicted to use the new Alloa rail link when it opened a year ago.
400,000
- Number of actual passengers who use the link. Proving that consultants know nothing!
Idiots Of The Year Award collectively goes to the entire planet. To the politicians who fucked up Copenhagen, and to the people who let them get away with it!
355,000
- number of people killed annually by exposure to pesticides and toxins
And while we're on politicians, the Politician Of The Year is Debra Storr, councillor in Aberdeenshire and nemesis of a certain Mr Donald Trump, even being detained by his henchmen at one point for the heinous crime of taking photographs of a gate. She is, quite frankly, a National Disgrace, Scoundrel and Extremist.- number of people killed annually by exposure to pesticides and toxins
800,000
- number of UK homes at risk of flooding within 25 years due to rising sea levels
A tough category, Tweet Of The Year has nothing to do with greenery, despite coming from @patrickharvie. But it stuck in the memory:

I'm torn for Film Of The Year. It most definitely is not 17 Again, which the girlfriend dragged me to see (I'm still paying dearly for Die Hard 4.0). I think The Age Of Stupid just shades it over The End Of The Line, but it's a close call.
- tons of "recycled" medical waste which 2 British companies illegally exported to Brazil
Most Prescient News Story this year was one which I've titled in my notes "Dubai Coastline Covered In Shit"
- amount of toilet paper exported from the UK to Germany each year
4,000 tonnes
- amount of toilet paper imported from Germany to the UK each year
Most Butt-Clenchingly Terrifying Video Of The Year goes to Stay Grounded. You're not going to see this on the Virgin Atlantic playlist:
Do As We Say, Not As We Do Award: The Scottish Environmental Protection Agency increase their emissions by 10%
- amount of CO2 that the Scottish Government claimed would be generated by their 7 biggest road building schemes
The Maybe We Should Sack Them All For The Good Of The Planet: I'm tempted to award this to the Copenhagen negotiators, but instead it's going to Edinburgh's binmen. After they went on strike this summer, recycling rates soared!
- the extra electricity used by all the couples in America who divorced in 2005
PR Own Goal Of The Year: Glasgow City Council taking residents of North Kelvinside to court for cleaning up a patch of ground which had been strewn with rubbish and discarded needles.
- what the US estimates it would have to spend on flood defences for a 1m rise
Worst 'Green' Product Of The Year: I'm still shaking my head at the Toilet Roll Holder with built-in Light. Pulling the toilet paper turns a dynamo that powers the bulb.
The If Only Someone Would Listen To Them Award: Scotland could produce 143% of it's energy from renewables according to WWF.
And finally, the Photo Of The Year. I'm awarding this to myself, and it only has a strenuous tie to environmentalism if you think overpopulation is a problem. I spotted this display in a chemist in Perthshire:
Have a great New Year everyone!
- number of UK homes at risk of flooding within 25 years due to rising sea levels
A tough category, Tweet Of The Year has nothing to do with greenery, despite coming from @patrickharvie. But it stuck in the memory:

I'm torn for Film Of The Year. It most definitely is not 17 Again, which the girlfriend dragged me to see (I'm still paying dearly for Die Hard 4.0). I think The Age Of Stupid just shades it over The End Of The Line, but it's a close call.
1400
- tons of "recycled" medical waste which 2 British companies illegally exported to Brazil
Most Prescient News Story this year was one which I've titled in my notes "Dubai Coastline Covered In Shit"
83 billion
- number of barrels of oil that could be accessed if the Arctic ice melted
Parliamentary Tantrum Of The Year: Who could forget John McDonnell MP going loony tunes during the Heathrow debate and grabbing the Mace? Whaddya mean, you forgot all about that?
- number of barrels of oil that could be accessed if the Arctic ice melted
Parliamentary Tantrum Of The Year: Who could forget John McDonnell MP going loony tunes during the Heathrow debate and grabbing the Mace? Whaddya mean, you forgot all about that?
5,000 tonnes
- amount of toilet paper exported from the UK to Germany each year
4,000 tonnes
- amount of toilet paper imported from Germany to the UK each year
Most Butt-Clenchingly Terrifying Video Of The Year goes to Stay Grounded. You're not going to see this on the Virgin Atlantic playlist:
Stay Grounded (Tea and Toast) by Tom Williams from Green Thing on Vimeo.
Do As We Say, Not As We Do Award: The Scottish Environmental Protection Agency increase their emissions by 10%
213,000 tonnnes
- amount of CO2 that the Scottish Government claimed would be generated by their 7 biggest road building schemes
4.24 million tonnes
- actual amount of CO2 that will be generated by the roads
- actual amount of CO2 that will be generated by the roads
The News To Strike Fear Into Every Aberdonian Award goes to this item: Scotland's Sheep Are Shrinking
The Maybe We Should Sack Them All For The Good Of The Planet: I'm tempted to award this to the Copenhagen negotiators, but instead it's going to Edinburgh's binmen. After they went on strike this summer, recycling rates soared!
73 billion kWh
- the extra electricity used by all the couples in America who divorced in 2005
PR Own Goal Of The Year: Glasgow City Council taking residents of North Kelvinside to court for cleaning up a patch of ground which had been strewn with rubbish and discarded needles.
$156 billion
- what the US estimates it would have to spend on flood defences for a 1m rise
Worst 'Green' Product Of The Year: I'm still shaking my head at the Toilet Roll Holder with built-in Light. Pulling the toilet paper turns a dynamo that powers the bulb.
The If Only Someone Would Listen To Them Award: Scotland could produce 143% of it's energy from renewables according to WWF.
And finally, the Photo Of The Year. I'm awarding this to myself, and it only has a strenuous tie to environmentalism if you think overpopulation is a problem. I spotted this display in a chemist in Perthshire:
Have a great New Year everyone!














